


You Could Put An Ocean Between Our Love

by harrythe



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief mention of past character death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrythe/pseuds/harrythe
Summary: He’s inside you, in your stomach, your skin, way down in your bones. He’s a part of you, as vital as breathing at this point. You could no sooner cut him out of your life, than you could cut off one of your own limbs. And it may not be healthy, or god forbid, right, but you could care less. Sonny is who you’ve chosen. Who you will continue to choose, until the air finally decides to leave your lungs for good.





	You Could Put An Ocean Between Our Love

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I basically listened to Taylor Swift the whole time I wrote this. Also, new pairing, new fandom, who dis? I’m broadening my horizons. Takes place between Paul’s accident, and Leo returning.

_And if we’re caught in a wave,_  
_Baby we’ll make a way._  
_You could put an ocean between our love,_  
_It won’t keep us apart._  
_\- Ocean by Ben Woodward_

+

The first time you see him, after you have your painful, gut-wrenching goodbye, it’s like a physical blow to your chest. You love him so much, it clouds everything. He invades your senses, your thoughts, your emotions, your very soul. You would gladly move heaven and earth just to be with him, and the knowledge knocks you over so much, that for a second, just one brief moment, you forget why you two can’t be together in the first place.

Your hand aches to reach out and touch, aches to feel, for just one moment. Your breath burns in your lungs, as your heart beats out a lonely call that his is answering just as sorrowfully, just as painfully. Your eyes water involuntarily, and your words come out hoarse, because you have to push them past your throat. The promises echo in your ears, a never-forgotten ghost that can never find peace until you are back in his arms, where you will always belong.

You know that you made the right decision, but it still doesn’t feel like it, not when you just got him back. Not when there are years to catch up on, a lifetime of love that has been wrenched from you in the blink of an eye. He’s still the one you would choose, without thought, without a doubt. You will always choose him, and it is like a knife stabbing you in the gut that you will never be able to make that choice. Forever is slipping through your fingers, like sand in the hourglass of time. And it’s pointless to try and grasp it, and yet your hand clenches all the same.

There may be as well be an ocean that is separating the two of you at the moment, and yet you cannot forget what was murmured as the two of you said goodbye. The vows of love that were uttered on shaky breath, the promise of a forever, even though you know it can never be, will never be, because of the accident. And you cannot bring yourself to regret that choice, because it was a good decision, the right choice, against all others, and if you regret that choice, then it feels like you’ll never be able to move forward into the path you’ve chosen for yourself.

And just like that, Paul’s face swims into your vision, and your breath once again catches in your throat. Paul is a good guy, far better than you probably deserve, and if he was smart, he would leave the both of you behind, escape the fire that is your love for someone else, before it burns the three of you to ashes and dust. You don’t want to hurt him, you don’t, and yet the love of your life is in front of you, and your hand still aches to reach out and touch. And once more, you have to physically hold yourself back from your fingers moving of their own accord towards him. Fingers that ache to reach out and caress his face, or grab his jacket, as they’ve done a thousand times.

You wonder if it will always be this way.

And just like that, the interaction is over, and you blink, and shake away the memories. You can’t afford to dwell in the negative right now, not when there is still all of time and space separating the two of you, and though it’s not a grave anymore, it might as well be. Part of you hopes that your memories will disappear again, that Will Horton will cease to exist once more, so that you can escape the pain that you still feel. But you know how devastated Sonny would be if that happened, and you cannot bring yourself to cause him more pain, no matter how much you might spare from yourself.

Sometimes you wish you could have actually gone to the afterlife, for surely if there is a God, he would bring Sonny back to you there, and you wouldn’t have to suffer in the agony now, not when he is so close, and yet so far. You’re afraid that the longer you wait, the more that it will break the two of you apart, so that you can never again be two halves of a whole. Every day before now had felt like agony, and yet, seeing him is like adding gasoline to an already roaring fire. And as the flames of his love lick your skin, you can’t help but bask in the warmth. And when he leaves, you miss the heat.

And when you make your way back to Paul, you push thoughts of your ex-husband out of your mind. Paul has always been able to read you like a book, and if he thought for one minute that your heart still belonged to Sonny, you’d never be able to forgive yourself. Paul needs to focus on his recovery, and he would never be able to do that if he’s constantly worried that you’re going to leave him. So you put on a smile, and a brave face, and act like nothing is wrong, that your heart isn’t tearing in two.

And then you’re on the phone with Sonny one day, and as his voice washes over you, you forget all of time and space separating the two of you. All you focus on is how good it feels to hear his voice. And you tell him as much, before you even register that Paul has wheeled up beside you. So you offer an easy out, and you leave the hospital behind, at least for awhile. Leave Sonny behind.

And you try not to flinch when Paul brings up the phone call, to the point where you end up blurting out the truth.

You want to tell Paul, in that moment. The words are on the tip of your tongue, and you almost force them out, when Sonny swoops in to save the day. And part of you wants to correct Sonny, to finally lay your soul out to bare, but Paul is looking at you in that way that you cannot bear to crush him. So you force a smile, and continue the lie. And you can see Paul relax, second by second, till he’s fairly slouched against the back of his chair. And then Paul brings up the two of you moving in together.

You would give anything to take Sonny’s pain away at that moment. You can see him freeze up, the smile that he forces out, the false joy. It’s one thing to know that you and Paul are together, it’s another to be basically slapped in the face with the fact. And this love triangle that you find yourself in is vicious, and taking no prisoners. Instead, it seems content to burn everyone alive, to the point where you can’t even fight it anymore.

You want to put a stop to all of this, because your heart is shattering into pieces with every word that comes out of your mouth. Every little white lie that you tell Paul, about how you couldn’t be happier at how things are going, or that you don’t still have feelings for your ex-husband.

And how you hate those two little insignificant letters. You never should have signed those divorce papers, no matter how good an idea it sounded at the time. You found them again the other day, the copy from the courts granting your divorce. It had felt like a knife physically ramming into your chest, so much like the bullet that once pierced through your skin, the day of Ari’s birth.

You orchestrate a few stolen moments with him, if only to ease the ache in your heart that wasn’t there this morning. If all you can have is a few stolen moments here and there, you would gladly die all over again to make it so. You will take any part of Sonny that you can get, because though the agony later will be hell, just a few moments of basking in his love makes it all worth it.

And when he brings up that what you two are doing is a good thing, you want to scream, and cry, and pull your hair out. It’s not a good thing, it isn’t. Not when your heart is lying in tatters in his hands, and his in yours. You never thought it could hurt this much, being apart from the person you love. Your previous separation, before you almost died, is nothing compared to this. You would gladly choose that time, over this in the here and now. Before you died, there was always the possibility of reconciliation. Before, there was always hope, your words of apology a siren song to bring Sonny home.

And even when you were brought back to life, and living a life unknown, your memory was what kept Sonny going, and your life a magnetic force that kept him fighting for you. Sonny never stopped fighting for you, never stopped choosing you, even when you didn’t choose him back. And you wish you could go back and shake the Will you used to be, the one who came back from the dead, because even then, you knew there was a connection to Sonny, something that always drew him back to you.

You would gladly choose Sonny now, should have chosen him, despite the lie you tell him about it being the right decision.

There was no right decision in this situation. Because you know now, more than you did then, that you and Sonny are destined to be together, and that means that eventually, you’ll find your way back to him. It’s inevitable at this point, you know it is. There is no force on heaven or earth that can keep the two of you apart, not now, when the only thing separating the two of you is a decision that is easily broken, one that fractures and frays every time you see his face.

He’s inside you, in your stomach, your skin, way down in your bones. He’s a part of you, as vital as breathing at this point. You could no sooner cut him out of your life, than you could cut off one of your own limbs. And it may not be healthy, or god forbid, right, but you could care less. Sonny is who you’ve chosen. Who you will continue to choose, until the air finally decides to leave your lungs for good. And with the way things always seem to happen in Salem, that may end up being sooner, rather than later, especially given your track record for life-threatening situations. Though with your track record for not staying dead, then maybe you two will have a chance after all.

And then you swear that it’ll be the last time you tell him you love him, at least out loud. You once promised him always and forever, that turned into precious stolen days where you can’t help but countdown the hours until you see him again. And you tell him all of this in your journal, the only thing keeping you sane these days. And the gentle touch of your hand on his grounds you, keeps you physically tied to this earth, like an anchor. But instead of it weighing you down, it keeps you steady, like a port in a storm.

And then Paul finds your journal, and maybe he doesn’t read it, but he guesses what’s in your heart. And just like that, everything snaps into crystal clear focus. Paul is breaking up with you, and it hurts, because no matter what anyone will think, you did love him. You did, but at the same time your heart is beating out Sonny’s name, propelling you forward, and to his doorstep. A new beginning is dawning for the both of you, one with your daughter, and the love of your life.

And then Sonny is not there. And your heart physically aches, pounding out the rhythm of his name, as you search for clues of where he might be. You spin a globe, fingers dancing across the surface, tracing the distance to where he may be. And Victor won’t budge, won’t consider for a second that Sonny is the love of your life, forever this time. That you’re going to try your hardest to hold onto what you have until they come to bury you once more. Sonny is as much a part of your life, your heart, as the blood in your veins, and the breath in your lungs. Your younger self had it right, when you promised Sonny a forever.

And sometimes you wonder what would have happened, if you hadn’t died. If Sonny had made it back in time, so that he never had to bury you, no matter how short a time it really was. And your heart aches to be in the before, because at least in the before, there was hope. There was a chance. A way to make all of this right. But you also wouldn’t give up the growth you’ve experienced because of it. Without your death, you never would have treasured every single second chance you’ve been given, every precious moment with Sonny that you shared, and that he spent fighting for you. How you would still choose him, even now, because you can no longer separate the two of you, if someone even dared to try.

And some small dark part of you wonders what would have happened if you had really died. If you had just stayed gone. Would Sonny be happily married to Paul? You never would have wanted him to spend forever mourning the loss of you, forever stuck in the what could have beens. But jealousy still turns in your stomach, because that was the life you wish you could have. You’d give anything to have the chance to marry Sonny, again. You want the renewal of your vows, a commitment to forever. And you also wonder what would have happened if he had stayed in Paris, instead of coming home to bury you. Would he have found someone else? Someone new, without the ties to this town, this place that has brought the two of you so much pain, never even thinking that you could possibly be alive, searching for the other half of your heart?

Maybe someday you’ll get out of Salem, start a new life with Sonny without the anchors of your past dragging you down. And you’ll take Ari with you, in the hopes that she can remain as innocent and pure as she is now. Whisk her away from this toxic cesspool of nothing but misery. Because she’s just a little girl, who’s already dealt with the misery of her mom going to prison, her family being ripped apart, and her burying her father at an age that is far too young. You never wanted Ari to have the life you grew up with, and yet that’s all she seems to have. So you’re going to try your damned hardest to get her out of this town.

Until then, you fall onto your knees, and pray to a God you’re not sure is there, to bring Sonny back to you. To bring him home to you, to where he belongs. And if you hope, and wish on stars that are far too distant and far too cold, it’s nobody’s business but your own. Because with every wish, you become even more sure that Sonny is coming home to you.

And when he does show up, after one final desperate phone call, all the air leaves your lungs, and you can’t help but almost collapse in relief. You’ve never been so glad to see someone in your life, and for a moment, just a moment, everything is perfect. Your life is whole, and complete, and you can’t help but drink in the sight of him. His presence seeps into your skin, your bones, until he is a part of you once more. Until you can no longer tell where he ends and you begin.

And Sonny is the love of your life, of that much, you will always be sure. And you choose him, without thought, without breath. And he chooses you right back, as you always knew he would. Because your love may be a scorching fire, ready to burn everything before you into ashes and dust, but you’d rather see the world burn, before anyone dares to take Sonny from you. That’s just the way it’s going to be.

**Author's Note:**

> So? This was my first Will and Sonny fic. What’d you guys think? I ended it before Leo, because I didn’t want to get into that.


End file.
